Sunday, March 8, 2009


“Bibi,” the signature scent of Prime Minister-designate Binyamin Netanyahu, was named “Israel’s Sexiest Scent” by an overwhelming majority of respondents in a survey by the Maagar Mohot Survey Institute. Bibi triumphed in almost every demographic segment identified by Prof. Yitzhak Katz, who conducted the survey. The only exceptions were Israelis of Russian origin, who preferred Avigdor Lieberman’s “Pogrom,” and ultra-orthodox Israelis, who called the survey “an abomination.”

Many respondents described the scent of Bibi as virtually impossible to resist. Women have been impregnated by inhaling its potent vapors, and Arabs have spontaneously confessed their terrorist fantasies. Bibi’s popularity has also benefited from an ad campaign emphasizing Netanyahu’s undeniable virility – “A scent as intense as his gaze, as commanding as his voice.” Said researcher Katz, “It’s pretty overpowering. I try to stay neutral, but one whiff and I wanted him to ravage me, too.”

Despite Kadima’s first-place showing in the recent national elections, Tzipi Livni’s “Tough Love” was described as “tepid,” “vacillating” and “like a sister.” Rabbi Ovadia Josef’s familiar Shas aroma, “Dandruff,” clearly suffered from the ultra-orthodox rejection of the survey. Researchers surmised that ultra-orthodox respondents were warily protecting the holiness of their favored fragrance, which they spritz freely during mikva’ot. Secular Israelis simply dismissed Dandruff as “like an old man’s mouth” and “icky.”

Perhaps the most surprising result of the survey was the disinterested reaction to Ehud Barak’s “Cast Lead.” “It’s undetectable,” said one respondent. “I know he’s got a lot of medals, but I just couldn’t smell them.” Another respondent agreed. “Sure, he pulverized Gaza, but he was probably wearing Bibi the whole time.”

"Netanyahu’s scent just says ‘implacable strength' to most Israeli Jews,” commented Prof. Katz. “It’s the smell of a man-beast. A primal warrior-king who knows how to run a massacre.”

Commenting on the decisive endorsement of his fragrance, Netanyahu said, “It’s nothing new. I’ll tell you my secret, since you can’t copy it anyway. It’s the smell of my fingertips.”

Runner-up Avigdor Lieberman of the Yisrael Beiteinu Party reacted to the survey results with contempt. “I know what people like in their noses. You watch – even Bibi’ll smell like me in six months.”

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