Monday, February 4, 2008
Circus Israel Accident Prone – Loses Insurance
It’s well known throughout the entire world that we are the unluckiest people ever. No matter how spotless our Jewish hearts may be, no matter how responsibly we behave, none of our good deeds go unpunished. Something always goes wrong, some accident we couldn’t have predicted in 5000 years. And now the insurance company wants to cancel our coverage. “Too many accidents,” they say. Why does He-Who-Cannot-Be-Named (really, it's God)forsake us so?
It all started when Supreme Court President Dorit Beinisch opened her big mouth. She says – in writing! – that Circus Israel sometimes accidentally hurts civilians when we act in justifiable self-defense. So the insurance company starts nosing around and, sure enough, they fixate on the accidents. Of course, they trot out the one-ton bomb we dropped on Shehadeh’s building and blame us for the baked children. Hindsight is so easy. It was an accident, a freak million-to-one surprise. And nobody was more surprised that people actually lived there than Circus Israel.
Then these insurance company bookkeepers dredge up all the dead bystanders at targeted assassinations, the dead knuckleheads who approach the Security Wall, the dead goofballs that try to catch our artillery shells, the dead curfew violators, the dead medical cases and dead pregnant women and stillborns at the checkpoints, the dead international meddlers, the dead demonstrators, and all the other accidental dead that completely shocked us every time. Why are we the only people in the history of the world to be second-guessed for everything?
It’s not as though this insurance company has paid a lot of compensation. Circus Israel doesn’t compensate. But if we ever do, for public relations purposes, where will we get the money? We’ll have to bother our friends in real estate development, liquor distribution and bingo parlors. All because of some cockamamie accidents that nobody in his right mind could have seen coming.
It’s well known throughout the entire world that we are the unluckiest people ever. No matter how spotless our Jewish hearts may be, no matter how responsibly we behave, none of our good deeds go unpunished. Something always goes wrong, some accident we couldn’t have predicted in 5000 years. And now the insurance company wants to cancel our coverage. “Too many accidents,” they say. Why does He-Who-Cannot-Be-Named (really, it's God)forsake us so?
It all started when Supreme Court President Dorit Beinisch opened her big mouth. She says – in writing! – that Circus Israel sometimes accidentally hurts civilians when we act in justifiable self-defense. So the insurance company starts nosing around and, sure enough, they fixate on the accidents. Of course, they trot out the one-ton bomb we dropped on Shehadeh’s building and blame us for the baked children. Hindsight is so easy. It was an accident, a freak million-to-one surprise. And nobody was more surprised that people actually lived there than Circus Israel.
Then these insurance company bookkeepers dredge up all the dead bystanders at targeted assassinations, the dead knuckleheads who approach the Security Wall, the dead goofballs that try to catch our artillery shells, the dead curfew violators, the dead medical cases and dead pregnant women and stillborns at the checkpoints, the dead international meddlers, the dead demonstrators, and all the other accidental dead that completely shocked us every time. Why are we the only people in the history of the world to be second-guessed for everything?
It’s not as though this insurance company has paid a lot of compensation. Circus Israel doesn’t compensate. But if we ever do, for public relations purposes, where will we get the money? We’ll have to bother our friends in real estate development, liquor distribution and bingo parlors. All because of some cockamamie accidents that nobody in his right mind could have seen coming.
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