Friday, February 15, 2008
FREE TICKETS TO CIRCUS ISRAEL
Can’t run away to join Circus Israel? Can’t make aliyah? Hey, we understand. Even though net immigration can’t match the Arab birth rate, we understand. Not everyone has the time to gather with the rest of God’s Chosen People to revere and defend the Holy Land for all eternity. Maybe you’ve assimilated and you’re like a goy now. Maybe you’re just a chicken. Fine. No worries. We’ll make aliyah for you.
That’s right. Every Sunday, we pull 18 lucky Jewish names out of a big black hat and make them instant citizens of Eretz Israel. If we pull your name, you’re in. It’s as simple as that.
What’s more, we’ve reserved a big shipping container for you in Judea or Sumeria. We connect it to the electric grid, pave a Jewish-only road to your pre-fab synagogue and protect it with the toughest and purest fighting force in the world. And you pay nothing. Just occupy your new land in three months or we come get you. The easy way or the hard way.
Frankly, we’re a little disappointed in your lack of Zionist fervor. It’s kind of sad that we need to convince you that you’re not really welcome or safe anywhere but here. We’re a tribe (in fact, the gold standard of tribes), and a tribe should stick together and keep everyone else at arm’s length. Because what makes us different is what truly defines us - and whatever is universal about us is irrelevant and un-Jewish. You’re either us or against us.
So pack your suitcase. We’re taking names.
Can’t run away to join Circus Israel? Can’t make aliyah? Hey, we understand. Even though net immigration can’t match the Arab birth rate, we understand. Not everyone has the time to gather with the rest of God’s Chosen People to revere and defend the Holy Land for all eternity. Maybe you’ve assimilated and you’re like a goy now. Maybe you’re just a chicken. Fine. No worries. We’ll make aliyah for you.
That’s right. Every Sunday, we pull 18 lucky Jewish names out of a big black hat and make them instant citizens of Eretz Israel. If we pull your name, you’re in. It’s as simple as that.
What’s more, we’ve reserved a big shipping container for you in Judea or Sumeria. We connect it to the electric grid, pave a Jewish-only road to your pre-fab synagogue and protect it with the toughest and purest fighting force in the world. And you pay nothing. Just occupy your new land in three months or we come get you. The easy way or the hard way.
Frankly, we’re a little disappointed in your lack of Zionist fervor. It’s kind of sad that we need to convince you that you’re not really welcome or safe anywhere but here. We’re a tribe (in fact, the gold standard of tribes), and a tribe should stick together and keep everyone else at arm’s length. Because what makes us different is what truly defines us - and whatever is universal about us is irrelevant and un-Jewish. You’re either us or against us.
So pack your suitcase. We’re taking names.
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