Wednesday, April 16, 2008
ASK THE RABBI
Circus Israel’s spiritual, religious and religious-nationalist advisor, Rabbi Messianach Kook, answers your questions. (Regarding the loose talk in Ramat Beit Shamesh, the Rabbi informs us that his son’s broken nose was the result of a davening accident.)
Shalom, Rabbi. Can you recommend a good mobile phone for me? I am taking part-time office work to supplement my husband’s Torah allotment and our child allowances.
Batya, from Modi’in Ilit.
Shalom, Batya. First, I approve of your working in support of your husband’s studies, so long as you avoid heretical influences. Now, let us get to the business at hand. You are apparently a pious Jewish woman for whom only a kosher mobile telephone would be acceptable. As you may know from my teachings, I am an authorized Motorola (Mirs) distributor in the Land of Israel. While I do not wish to influence your purchase in any way, the Motorola product was the first mobile telephone approved by the appropriate rabbinical authorities and it is, of course, an excellent instrument. That is not to suggest, however, that Nokia and Telit have failed to provide an acceptable alternative for the impious. The Telit X60, for example, is not a terrible device.
And while we are on the subject, let us consider the proper purposes of a mobile telephone. Naturally, your husband may need to communicate with you about Halakhic matters or his expectations of you. In addition, however, you may observe IDF stormtroopers moving to expel righteous Jews from their so-called “outpost.” Your duty is to use your mobile telephone to summon the faithful to obstruct this atrocity. Similarly, you may encounter a demonstration or other terror activity by arabs or their leftist dupes. In that case, your obligation is to summon the IDF to defend the Jewish People. I must tell you that such situations have caused me to ponder whether a camera telephone might be consistent with Torah, to capture the images of those who threaten the Land of Israel, for later punishment. I am consulting the commentaries on this and will advise you when my reflections culminate. In summary, if I can assist you in the purchase of a Motorola mobile telephone, please feel free to contact me on my Motorola mobile telephone. Blessed be He.
Shalom, Rabbi Kook. I seek your advice in the strictest confidence. I no longer wish to perform the reproductive act with my husband. He doesn’t give the slightest consideration to my enjoyment. I am taking part-time office work to avoid him. Is this sinful, Rabbi?
Batya, from Modi’in Ilit.
Shalom, Batya. I must tell you, I just received an inquiry from another Batya from Modi’in Ilit. Such coincidences bless the life of a Rabbi! But on to your inquiry. Surely you are aware of your obligations to your husband, particularly to relieve him of shameful urges that divert him from his studies. Of course, he has responsibilities to you as well, so that you will join with him earnestly to fulfill the purpose of your marriage and preserve the reputation of your matchmaker. You do not provide details, but perhaps your husband has failed to encircle your conjugal bed with powder, or has recited the names of the 12 sons of Jacob incorrectly during the procreative act. Such misdeeds can be corrected with sufficient concentration by both parties. And this must occur, lest the profligate wombs of backward arab women usurp us from the Land of Israel. Be not confused, Batya. Every creature reproduces, from the inquisitive giraffe to the treacherous moslem to the frivolous chloinim in Tel Aviv with their chukos hagoyim. But only a virtuous Jewish mother can yield the pious Jews that will expand our domain to infinity and beyond. I hope these remarks help you reap the enjoyment of the marital bed. Blessed be he.
Circus Israel’s spiritual, religious and religious-nationalist advisor, Rabbi Messianach Kook, answers your questions. (Regarding the loose talk in Ramat Beit Shamesh, the Rabbi informs us that his son’s broken nose was the result of a davening accident.)
Shalom, Rabbi. Can you recommend a good mobile phone for me? I am taking part-time office work to supplement my husband’s Torah allotment and our child allowances.
Batya, from Modi’in Ilit.
Shalom, Batya. First, I approve of your working in support of your husband’s studies, so long as you avoid heretical influences. Now, let us get to the business at hand. You are apparently a pious Jewish woman for whom only a kosher mobile telephone would be acceptable. As you may know from my teachings, I am an authorized Motorola (Mirs) distributor in the Land of Israel. While I do not wish to influence your purchase in any way, the Motorola product was the first mobile telephone approved by the appropriate rabbinical authorities and it is, of course, an excellent instrument. That is not to suggest, however, that Nokia and Telit have failed to provide an acceptable alternative for the impious. The Telit X60, for example, is not a terrible device.
And while we are on the subject, let us consider the proper purposes of a mobile telephone. Naturally, your husband may need to communicate with you about Halakhic matters or his expectations of you. In addition, however, you may observe IDF stormtroopers moving to expel righteous Jews from their so-called “outpost.” Your duty is to use your mobile telephone to summon the faithful to obstruct this atrocity. Similarly, you may encounter a demonstration or other terror activity by arabs or their leftist dupes. In that case, your obligation is to summon the IDF to defend the Jewish People. I must tell you that such situations have caused me to ponder whether a camera telephone might be consistent with Torah, to capture the images of those who threaten the Land of Israel, for later punishment. I am consulting the commentaries on this and will advise you when my reflections culminate. In summary, if I can assist you in the purchase of a Motorola mobile telephone, please feel free to contact me on my Motorola mobile telephone. Blessed be He.
Shalom, Rabbi Kook. I seek your advice in the strictest confidence. I no longer wish to perform the reproductive act with my husband. He doesn’t give the slightest consideration to my enjoyment. I am taking part-time office work to avoid him. Is this sinful, Rabbi?
Batya, from Modi’in Ilit.
Shalom, Batya. I must tell you, I just received an inquiry from another Batya from Modi’in Ilit. Such coincidences bless the life of a Rabbi! But on to your inquiry. Surely you are aware of your obligations to your husband, particularly to relieve him of shameful urges that divert him from his studies. Of course, he has responsibilities to you as well, so that you will join with him earnestly to fulfill the purpose of your marriage and preserve the reputation of your matchmaker. You do not provide details, but perhaps your husband has failed to encircle your conjugal bed with powder, or has recited the names of the 12 sons of Jacob incorrectly during the procreative act. Such misdeeds can be corrected with sufficient concentration by both parties. And this must occur, lest the profligate wombs of backward arab women usurp us from the Land of Israel. Be not confused, Batya. Every creature reproduces, from the inquisitive giraffe to the treacherous moslem to the frivolous chloinim in Tel Aviv with their chukos hagoyim. But only a virtuous Jewish mother can yield the pious Jews that will expand our domain to infinity and beyond. I hope these remarks help you reap the enjoyment of the marital bed. Blessed be he.
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