Friday, September 5, 2008

 
CIRCUS ISRAEL COUP D’ETAT!!!

JERUSALEM. Shortly before dawn today, the Hebron Regional Committee, aided by the Kiryat Arba Local Council, seized key state offices and deposed Circus Israel’s governing coalition in a bloodless coup d’etat. Declaring itself the Provisional Government of Eretz Israel, the Committee imposed a dusk-to-dawn curfew outside of Judea and Sumaria and suspended all official activity. Various ultra-orthodox groups from both sides of the Green Line joined the wave of orange-bedecked autos and buses flowing into the capitol.

No shots were fired during the take-over, although several marchers sustained Horah injuries during the ensuing celebration. IDF units stood casually on the sidelines, as if observing another round of settler-on-Arab violence. Many soldiers reinforced hilltop youth trashing vehicles or praying spontaneously. Civilians, enroute to work or school, simply shrugged, while members of the “Peace Camp” nodded gravely.

Spokesperson David “Dave” Wilder, reading from a prepared statement, explained that the committee had lost patience with the Kadima coalition’s FOG (Facts on the Ground) and SAND (Self-Absorbed Nest Development) strategy of incremental redemption of the land. “We’re sick of waiting. The land belongs to the Jewish people, who want to be Jewish on it.”

Questioned by a foreign journalist, Wilder characterized the settler movement as the “tail that wagged the dog” for too long. “Now we are the dog. The big, chosen Jewish dog. And we bite.” The journalist was, in fact, bitten by Wilder and Rabbi Dov Lior.

The coup leaders announced that Ben Gurion Airport had been shut down and the nation’s “provisional” borders were sealed. An information blackout was also imposed, although most Israeli television programming was encouraged to continue.

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