Thursday, September 11, 2008

 
FORMER NETANYAHU ATTACKS PM SELECTION

The politician formerly known as Benjamin Netanyahu charged today that the selection of Yisrael’s new Prime Minister by a committee of three men was “illegitimate.” He contended that “at the very least, the Likud Party leadership should have been included in the selection process. Especially now, when we’re at war with virtually the entire Middle East, the State of Yisrael needs my firm hand at the controls.” The former PM characterized Prime Minister Federman as “an amateur who never faced down a terrorist and made him piss his pants as I have on countless occasions.”

Apparently concerned that he’d been outflanked by the ultra-nationalist and ultra-orthodox leaders of the coup d’etat, the former Netanyahu appeared in a colorful knitted skullcap with payot and an unruly beard pasted on his face. With an Uzi slung across his back, he announced that he had formally changed his name to Yisrael Ben Yisrael, although his followers were welcome to continue calling him “Bibi.” Ben Yisrael initially denied graduating from a Pennsylvania high school or obtaining degrees from American universities, claiming instead to have been a hilltop youth. He later acknowledged residing in the US, “but only to learn dog fighting in South Philly.”

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