Friday, February 13, 2009
CIRCUS ISRAEL'S GAZA HOMICIDE INVESTIGATION BUNGLED
Law enforcement officials in Circus Israel conceded today that their investigation of the alleged homicide of the Gaza Strip may have been irrevocably compromised. After news reports suggested that Israel’s armed forces fatally assaulted the Strip in December and January, a task force of Israeli detectives was dispatched to the alleged crime scene. Seasoned investigators from the IDF and the Shin Bet intelligence agency purportedly discovered a decomposing Bantustan lying near the Mediterranean Sea. They carefully drew a white outline around the territory and sealed it off with yellow tape that clearly announced “Crime Scene – Do Not Enter”
Then things began to unravel. Unknown persons, apparently Arabs, disregarded the taped barrier and passed heedlessly through the crime scene, running in packs or skidding around in ambulances. According to detectives, crucial evidence of any wrongdoing was adulterated, moved or looted. Consequently, apprehension and prosecution of perpetrators, if any, is highly unlikely.
“We’re very frustrated,” said task force spokesperson Maj. Avital Leibovich. “Nothing means more to Israel than putting thugs behind bars, especially if they were Jewish and used phosphorus to cover their tracks. Now we’ll never know what really happened. I blame Hamas for trashing our investigation.”
Avi Dichter, Israel's lame duck Minister of Public Security, demanded an aggressive Israeli investigation of Hamas’ interference with the Israeli investigation. “Something must be done. No nation would permit this obstruction, which places Israel in grave danger of not capturing the guilty parties, if any.”
However, Israeli Defense Minister and electoral flop Ehud Barak downplayed the importance of the investigation itself. “Don’t throw around words like homicide. Maybe the Gaza Strip just got sick or didn’t eat enough. Maybe Jimmy Carter hit them.”
Mahmoud Abbas, sleepy Prime Minister of the Palestinian Authority, murmured that whatever government is formed after the recent Israeli elections should “let bygones be bygones” and discuss a 2-state solution with him until he finishes decomposing.
Law enforcement officials in Circus Israel conceded today that their investigation of the alleged homicide of the Gaza Strip may have been irrevocably compromised. After news reports suggested that Israel’s armed forces fatally assaulted the Strip in December and January, a task force of Israeli detectives was dispatched to the alleged crime scene. Seasoned investigators from the IDF and the Shin Bet intelligence agency purportedly discovered a decomposing Bantustan lying near the Mediterranean Sea. They carefully drew a white outline around the territory and sealed it off with yellow tape that clearly announced “Crime Scene – Do Not Enter”
Then things began to unravel. Unknown persons, apparently Arabs, disregarded the taped barrier and passed heedlessly through the crime scene, running in packs or skidding around in ambulances. According to detectives, crucial evidence of any wrongdoing was adulterated, moved or looted. Consequently, apprehension and prosecution of perpetrators, if any, is highly unlikely.
“We’re very frustrated,” said task force spokesperson Maj. Avital Leibovich. “Nothing means more to Israel than putting thugs behind bars, especially if they were Jewish and used phosphorus to cover their tracks. Now we’ll never know what really happened. I blame Hamas for trashing our investigation.”
Avi Dichter, Israel's lame duck Minister of Public Security, demanded an aggressive Israeli investigation of Hamas’ interference with the Israeli investigation. “Something must be done. No nation would permit this obstruction, which places Israel in grave danger of not capturing the guilty parties, if any.”
However, Israeli Defense Minister and electoral flop Ehud Barak downplayed the importance of the investigation itself. “Don’t throw around words like homicide. Maybe the Gaza Strip just got sick or didn’t eat enough. Maybe Jimmy Carter hit them.”
Mahmoud Abbas, sleepy Prime Minister of the Palestinian Authority, murmured that whatever government is formed after the recent Israeli elections should “let bygones be bygones” and discuss a 2-state solution with him until he finishes decomposing.
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I hear Mr. Abbas has a clinically serious condition. His face is surgically connected to Netanyahoo's ass. Of course, maybe this is just rumor.
Regards,
Demosthenes
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Regards,
Demosthenes
# posted by 
: February 16, 2009 at 12:15 PM
: February 16, 2009 at 12:15 PM Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
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