Thursday, May 21, 2009
BIBI KO’S OBAMA
“What an ass-kicking!” gushed Uzi Arad, Binyamin Netanyahu’s chief national security sycophant. “Oy, if it had been a fight they would’ve stopped it. Hey, it was a fight. And nobody stopped it!”
Arad was just one of the Prime Minister’s entourage who exulted after the first face-to-face meeting with the US President. The most difficult task, according to many in the Israeli delegation, was keeping a straight face before the cameras. “Gaza was tougher!” said one advisor, who requested anonymity because he'd wet himself while laughing. “At least they scored a few hits. But this was man against boy.”
The Israeli team basked among their accomplishments, which one insider called “an embarrassment of riches.” Best of all, they said, Mr. Netanyahu had drawn Obama into establishing a half-year deadline for diplomacy with Iran. The message to Iran was clear – Israel will strike in early 2010, and the West and the Arab autocracies will have no choice or inclination but to support Israel against the aggressive Shi’ite renegade.
Bibi also defined the defeat of both Iran and Hamas - along with the Arab world’s recognition of Israel’s right to exist as a Jewish state – as preconditions for even the most trivial alteration of the status quo with the Palestinians. Further, his supporters gleefully emphasized, there is no pressure on Israel to actually make any concessions that would remotely approach the Palestinian’s minimum desires. Jerusalem was never even publicly mentioned.
“All the pressure’s on America,” said Uzi Arad. “Not just about Iran. They also have to make the Arabs delete the Pal refugees from their little peace initiative. We’re the State of the Jewish People, my friend. And let’s hear some more ideas about our security. Something new and exciting and regrettably inadequate.”
“Viewed broadly," said academic jive-artist Eran Lerman, “Israel has successfully turned the clock back to pre-Oslo. It’s as if those years and discussions and agreements never happened. We’ve split the West Bank from Gaza, divided the Palestinian leadership among two antagonists, appropriated more land, enveloped East Jerusalem, built a big barrier that contains them but not us and completely mapped out our long-term future without regard to any ambiguous commitment we might have made in the past. Yet all Mr. Obama could come up with was cleaner water for Gaza. Which we correctly treated as premature and trivial.”
Uzi Arad echoed this theme, noting that Obama established no express or implied penalty for any Israeli conduct or omission. “Name one concrete thing we really have to do. We left Obama our to-do list. Where’s his?” When asked if the evacuation of a single West Bank outpost after the Washington meeting came from Obama’s “to-do list,” Arad smiled and shook his head. “That was just good manners. Israel is a gracious nation. And the Jewish People know how to rebuild at the appropriate time.”
Portfolio-Deficient Minister Benny Begin took the point further. “Listen, Bibi put all the onus on the Palestinians. End incitement, ‘educate their children for peace.’ Stop all violence. Then we’ll progress toward something you already have, like local responsibility for law and order in Area A.”
Reached by telephone, the PM himself happily recalled a favorite moment from the Washington encounter. He was particularly delighted with his delivery of the line “we don’t want to govern the Palestinians.” While he simply meant that "Israel wants land without Arabs, I can’t prevent unsophisticated observers from misconstruing my words as suggesting a two-state solution.”
The consensus among Israel’s delegation was that Obama, as a generalist and a part-timer on Middle Eastern issues, was predictably outmaneuvered by a determined and focused specialist with decades of experience in pro-Israeli advocacy. “Obama didn’t get the nuances,” said Ron Dermer, the PM’s policy chief and pool cleaner. “Not like we do. Obama’s got Chrysler and health care and two wars and the banks and all the rest of the music. We just play one song.”
Still, Arad mused, they’d expected more from the new US administration. “I heard somebody ask 'Why wasn't the President better tuned? Who prepares him?' Well, guess what?” said Arad. “We do.”
“What an ass-kicking!” gushed Uzi Arad, Binyamin Netanyahu’s chief national security sycophant. “Oy, if it had been a fight they would’ve stopped it. Hey, it was a fight. And nobody stopped it!”
Arad was just one of the Prime Minister’s entourage who exulted after the first face-to-face meeting with the US President. The most difficult task, according to many in the Israeli delegation, was keeping a straight face before the cameras. “Gaza was tougher!” said one advisor, who requested anonymity because he'd wet himself while laughing. “At least they scored a few hits. But this was man against boy.”
The Israeli team basked among their accomplishments, which one insider called “an embarrassment of riches.” Best of all, they said, Mr. Netanyahu had drawn Obama into establishing a half-year deadline for diplomacy with Iran. The message to Iran was clear – Israel will strike in early 2010, and the West and the Arab autocracies will have no choice or inclination but to support Israel against the aggressive Shi’ite renegade.
Bibi also defined the defeat of both Iran and Hamas - along with the Arab world’s recognition of Israel’s right to exist as a Jewish state – as preconditions for even the most trivial alteration of the status quo with the Palestinians. Further, his supporters gleefully emphasized, there is no pressure on Israel to actually make any concessions that would remotely approach the Palestinian’s minimum desires. Jerusalem was never even publicly mentioned.
“All the pressure’s on America,” said Uzi Arad. “Not just about Iran. They also have to make the Arabs delete the Pal refugees from their little peace initiative. We’re the State of the Jewish People, my friend. And let’s hear some more ideas about our security. Something new and exciting and regrettably inadequate.”
“Viewed broadly," said academic jive-artist Eran Lerman, “Israel has successfully turned the clock back to pre-Oslo. It’s as if those years and discussions and agreements never happened. We’ve split the West Bank from Gaza, divided the Palestinian leadership among two antagonists, appropriated more land, enveloped East Jerusalem, built a big barrier that contains them but not us and completely mapped out our long-term future without regard to any ambiguous commitment we might have made in the past. Yet all Mr. Obama could come up with was cleaner water for Gaza. Which we correctly treated as premature and trivial.”
Uzi Arad echoed this theme, noting that Obama established no express or implied penalty for any Israeli conduct or omission. “Name one concrete thing we really have to do. We left Obama our to-do list. Where’s his?” When asked if the evacuation of a single West Bank outpost after the Washington meeting came from Obama’s “to-do list,” Arad smiled and shook his head. “That was just good manners. Israel is a gracious nation. And the Jewish People know how to rebuild at the appropriate time.”
Portfolio-Deficient Minister Benny Begin took the point further. “Listen, Bibi put all the onus on the Palestinians. End incitement, ‘educate their children for peace.’ Stop all violence. Then we’ll progress toward something you already have, like local responsibility for law and order in Area A.”
Reached by telephone, the PM himself happily recalled a favorite moment from the Washington encounter. He was particularly delighted with his delivery of the line “we don’t want to govern the Palestinians.” While he simply meant that "Israel wants land without Arabs, I can’t prevent unsophisticated observers from misconstruing my words as suggesting a two-state solution.”
The consensus among Israel’s delegation was that Obama, as a generalist and a part-timer on Middle Eastern issues, was predictably outmaneuvered by a determined and focused specialist with decades of experience in pro-Israeli advocacy. “Obama didn’t get the nuances,” said Ron Dermer, the PM’s policy chief and pool cleaner. “Not like we do. Obama’s got Chrysler and health care and two wars and the banks and all the rest of the music. We just play one song.”
Still, Arad mused, they’d expected more from the new US administration. “I heard somebody ask 'Why wasn't the President better tuned? Who prepares him?' Well, guess what?” said Arad. “We do.”
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Hey, Bubala, what you think of Obama's speech in Cairo on June 4? I suspect you like it, since it attempted to be even-handed and all the neo-con assholes hat it.
Regards,
Demosthenes
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Regards,
Demosthenes
# posted by 
: June 4, 2009 at 7:50 PM
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